Regrets

I used to live my life in such a way that I wouldn't allow myself to have regrets. A few years ago, I let that slip away, and now I have a couple of regrets, that won't get out of my head.

so, I'll write them down here, and then reread this in a year and laugh at myself telling myself how ridiculously stupid I am.

I regret Jim's proposal not being romantic. I was with him when he bought my ring, and then we went to the canal and he proposed. I knew he wanted to marry me, I should have just let him take his time and let it happen on his time, not my own. Every girl wants a romantic proposal, and me, being impatient, I didn't let him do it on his time schedule, and I still get really mad at myself for doing that.

I regret not fighting more, to make my wedding MINE. And not someone else's. There were so many things that I wanted for our wedding that we didn't get. So many things that we backed down on and shouldn't have. I should have fought for the wedding of my dreams, instead, now I look back on my wedding day with bitterness, and hurt.

Don't get me wrong, the day was incredible, and I got to marry the man of my dreams. I wouldn't take anything back about that. But most of it wasn't me. It was me, appeasing someone else. and not getting the wedding of my dreams.

If only I could do it all over again, if only there was a way to not regret the two biggest events in my life. I will make up the mistakes I made with those two things, by trying extra hard to be the best wife I can be. Jim is an incredible man, and I am one lucky lady. Seriously I couldn't any better than him :0)

Change

I've never dealt with change well, which, in retrospect is kind of crazy. After my parents divorce we moved AT LEAST once a year, I've moved 18 times in 19 years. and lived in two of the places I lived for 2 yrs each, so..we moved a lot..lol) Through all that moving, I only changed schools 4 times, I was lucky not to have to change schools as many times as I did homes. I knew with getting married, and with us buying a house just over a month after that, I was going to be more emotional than normal. Which, I definitely have been.

I wasn't really prepared for the kind of changes that I would go through. I never expected that my friendships would change. I was determined that getting married wasn't going to change my friendships. I would NOT be one of those couples who got married, and then never see their friends again. Jim and I are the same people we were May 22, our need for time out with our friends has not changed. My girls mean the world to me, now all of it is upside down and I don't know why. I love my husband, so much. I'm growing in my relationship with God more than I ever have before. But sometimes I let it sneak up on me and ruin my mood. Jim's been so wonderful and supportive listening to me cry, and yell and complain. For a few weeks, I was complaining to a friend, about how much I hate being married. How much I wish I could go back a year and not have put all the time into planning, into everything. Just because I couldn't handle how my friendships had changed too. I expected a lot of changes between the two of us. But I was completely blindsided by the change in my friendships.

Did I mention I really, really hate change?

I've been writing this post for about a week. I'm still not sure if I want to post it, and put this out there. But, I'm even more sure that I don't want to hold this in anymore. I don't want to be sad that I'm not getting texts or phone calls like I used to. I don't want to be sad that the IM's are fewer and further between. I just want to love my life with my husband, knowing my friends are there whenever I need them. And hopefully with them knowing that I'm there for them whenever they need me!

I'm not sure where things will go from here, or how life will change in the near future. But I know that no matter what happens, I've got God on my side, my husband, and some really incredible friends. And no matter what changes happen, I can handle them.