grr

I deactivated my Face book account tonight. I'm getting fed far too much drama, that I don't have the time or energy to deal with. So, for now I'm not on there, I may reactivate it in the future, but for right now. I need a break. I just want a drama free life. Where people don't stick their noses in where they don't belong.

I'm dealing with a lot of emotional stuff right now, things I'm not sharing with anyone but God. I'm afraid if start talking, I'll start crying, and I don't know if I can stop.

So, if friends can't be there, and be supportive without being nosy and obnoxious, then I don't want to deal with that right now. I don't have time to deal with that right now. Now, I need to work on rebuilding my relationship with God, and figuring out what is in store for me and for my life.

My life is going in a different direction. One I'm very much looking forward to, and anticipating. I'm going to be a wife in under 1.5 years, and several years after that hopefully a PHD student and a mother. I have hopes, and I have dreams, and I want to learn what God has in store for me.

2 Corinthians 6:14

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?


I've had this verse on my heart for a long time. For most of that time, I felt maybe it was because of my relationship with Jim, and the fact that he has not yet declared himself to God. but now I feel like its for other reasons. And even though it hurts, and even though I'm scared, I've gotta find out what it means, for real this time. God lead me down this path, or started to, a year ago. I got scared, and back peddled as fast as I could and fell back into a life that I haven't been particularly proud of. So, I'm getting up, wiping of my knees, and Thanking God for giving me this chance to make it right.

In order for me to do this, I need to surround myself with the kind of friends who will be supportive, and loving and compassionate, even when I can't tell them whats going on my life, in my heart and in my head, Because thats what unconditional love means. And for the first time in my life, I really, truly, have that kind of love, and I'm not letting it go.

So, for those of you who have been supportive, and loving, and my pillars of strength, thank you. And those of you who have caused drama, I'm sorry, but I can't do it anymore, and I won't do it anymore. If drama continues to get fed to me, I can't be held responsible for what I say, I've held it in for far too long, and I'm not doing it anymore. Last Sunday's sermon, there was a verse in there about how we need to confront others, and tell them what they're doing to us, if they're causing emotional pain. I can't do that right now, I need to sort out my heart, and pray for the grace not to say the wrong thing, but I'm not going to sit here, and be lied to, and listen to drama. Its my life, and the decisions I'm making are between God, Jim and me.

I'm going to go to bed, and maybe, for the first time this week, I'll sleep soundly, and not have a nightmare, and have the strength to get up and face tomorrow. Because with God by my side, I can face anything. And thats the only thing that has gotten me through this week without tears.