Realizing

I've always had this feeling of not fitting in, no matter where I go, or what I'm doing. I'm the most hearing deaf person I know, or have ever met. And a lot of times, I feel that because my parents turned me into that person, I will never fit in. My parents never allowed me to "be deaf". Though signing at home wasn't discouraged, it wasn't encouraged either. I knew sign as a kid, but that was basic English stuff, and I always had an interpreter in school, but I never felt like I fit in. I was always the "deaf girl" to the hearing kids, and the "hearing girl" to the deaf kids, since I barely knew sign language. My junior year of high school, I started taking ASL. I took it for the easy "A", I never guessed the class would change my life, I took level 2 ASL my senior year, and went onto NTID in 2000. I never really fit in there, because, I wasn't a "DEAF POWER!" kind of person, nor was I a cochlear implant kid, or really a hard of hearing kid. I didn't make many friends there. I wasn't happy, and I left after 4 quarters, and started at MCC. I like MCC a lot better.

I was SO excited starting my job, because now I actually get to SIGN! I get to hang out with deaf people, and make some new, wonderful friends. But I still don't feel like I fully fit in. Not necessarily because of how I'm treated, but now I guess I'm starting to realize the limitations of what I CAN hear, and accept myself more as being a deaf woman in a hearing world, and a hard of hearing girl in a deaf world. I will never be the deaf power type. I will always be me, and I will always be proud of that. But, I'm stuck between two worlds, and I'm not convinced I will ever fit in 100% with either world.

Just my thoughts for the weekend.

BACK to homework..yippee :-\