Privacy

Due to some changes in our lives, I'm going to be changing my blog to a private blog- by invitation only. Feel free to email me and be added to the list at melissa {at} Snap in time photography {dot} com.

The Apartment

The apartment we are living in is amazing. Hardwood floors, granite counter tops, stainless steel appliances, 8th floor. And we have access to coffee/cookies/water 24/7, two gas grills, two fire pits, a heated swimming pool, gym, club room(if we're hosting a big party and need more room!) and a cyber cafe. Its luxury apartment living at its best!



Here's a view of the kitchen. to the left is the front door. and to the right is the living room and the bedroom doorway

This is our dining room:



The doors behind the table is our washer and dryer! I love having the ability to wash our cloths in our apartment and not have to carry our cloths to a laundromat



Here's the living room:

Our entire apartment has beige walls, no white walled sterile looking apartment for us! And each room has a colored accent wall! Its really easy to see the texture walls with the living room picture! We have a nice balcony too! It overlooks the courtyard and the Merritt River =)



The bedroom view 1:


The bedroom view 2:


((FYI- The picture on my dresser is a picture of my first ultrasound when we were pregnant with Robin. Jim and I have decided that we wanted to keep our first ultrasound picture visible.))

The bedroom view 3- the outside view is incredible! I love how much natural light we get in the apartment. It'd be nice if said light doesn't start at 6am making it impossible to sleep past sunrise. But the rest of the day I love it!



My closet:


We each have our own closets. but unfortunately Jim's is in the second bedroom. The master bedroom closet isn't big enough for both of us to store our cloths with only 3 drawers in our dresser each. So I gave Jim the bigger closet since he's up earlier, and has more cloths than I do. :P

Master bathroom view 1:


Masterbathroom view 2:



There are 2 rooms I didn't get to photograph yet- the guest bathroom and guest bedroom. I will do those when I get back to CT after Brian and Amy's wedding!! Though both rooms are almost completely unpacked, I wanted to wait till they're 100% before I took pictures. We left our good computer at home so that I had it for the next two weeks while I'm here!

Moved!

Jim and I are now living in Norwalk, CT at The Merritt River apartments. Its beautiful here. But its going to be a huge adjustment living here! I'm not sure how I feel about the way of life out here

yet...its so much busier than we are used to. But we will adjust =)

as soon as we are more unpacked I will take some pictures. This place is REALLY nice =)

Taiwan

Danielle and TC left for Taiwan last Monday morning, full of nervous anticipation. They were going to get their little boy. 1 month earlier than they had expected.

This morning, Danielle posted a picture of the three of them. This little boy has already captured our hearts, and I cant' wait to meet him and get to hold him in a few weeks <3

Landon is going to be so loved, and already has a better testimony than most people! His biological mother chose to give birth to him, she chose to place her son in an adoption agency so that he could fill Danielle and TC's hearts, arms and home. God has been so faithful to Danielle and TC through this journey. Its so awesome to be such a big part of. I cannot wait to watch him grow in his Faith in God and be a part of his life. He's already got more love surrounding him than he's going to know what to do with! I love you buddy!

Going away

I am so not ready to be moving in two weeks. Instead, I've been canning an absurd amount of fruit, sauce, jams,and pickles.

So far I have done 3 dozen jars of Jam- Triple berry, Strawberry, Blueberry vanilla and Peach. Each batch of Jam makes about 4 jars..so I've done 9 batches of Jam. Lots of work, but lots of fun!!

my first smaller batch of peaches, and the blueberry vanilla Jam!

My friend Jen and I canned 5 pecks of peaches yesterday. Out of that we got 11 quart size jars, 23 small jars (would have been 24, but one shattered in the canner)

The five pecks before

The 5 pecks after!

I did one batch of Sweet pickles, and got 5 12 oz jars and 2 quart jars out of that deal! We opened the pickles last week, and they were so amazing we plan to do another batch or two of pickles before we move!

I have done 2 batches of tomato's, one batch was 1/4 peck, the other was a 1/2 peck, so I could get an idea of how long it would take to can it all! I'm hoping to do at least one full bushel(4 pecks) before we move, and if I can get two done that'd be awesome. Fresh, homemade sauce all winter? yes please!

In our garden we have lots of big tomato's and peppers. So I'm going to use the rest of those to make a batch of hot pepper Jam, and the rest will be made into salsa! Jim is super excited for the Salsa, but he won't be so excited when I put him to work making it with me!

25 weeks

25 weeks ago you were conceived
23 weeks ago we got a positive pregnancy test
19 weeks ago we had our first ultrasound
18 weeks ago we had our second ultrasound. And found out you were in Jesus' arms
16 weeks ago my pregnancy was over, and we found out "officially" you were a girl, even though we knew that already
14 weeks ago Jim and I went to Jamaica to begin healing
9 weeks ago I went to a youth conference that changed my life forever
5 weeks ago we should have been finding out your gender on an ultrasound and preparing for your arrival
This week, my heart is empty. I love you Robin, I would give anything to be your mommy this side of heaven. Rest in Jesus' arms until I get to meet you someday.

Just Those few weeks

Just Those Few Weeks
For just those few weeks I had you to myself. And that seems too short a time to be changed so profoundly. In those few weeks, I came to know you...and to love you.You came to trust me with your life. Oh what a life I had planned for you! Just those few weeks...when I lost you, I lost a lifetime of hopes, plans, dreams and aspirations. A slice of my future simply vanished overnight. Just those few weeks...It wasn't enough time to convince others how special and important you were. How odd that a truly unique person has recently died and no one is mourning their passing. Just a mere few weeks...And no "normal" person would cry all night Over a tiny unfinished baby, or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day. No one would, so why am I?? You were just those few weeks, my little one. You darted in and out of my life too quickly. But it seems that's all the time you needed to make my life richer and to give me a small glimpse of eternity. ~S. Erling

Why?

A friend asked me the other day why Jim and I decided to be so open with our journey of infertility/miscarriage. I'm sure some of you are wondering the same thing...the answer is simple. Because its a real medical issue, because the pain if it is so deep that no one can fully fathom it..unless they are going through it. But mostly, because 1 in 6 couples struggle with starting a family.


I don't share our journey so anyone feels bad for us. I don't share it so that anyone feels bad telling us they're expecting (I promise I will rejoice with you in your amazing news). I don't share so I can hear your advice ("it'll happen when its meant to happen" doesn't really help. But "I'm praying for you" does).

I share to help my friends who are struggling with the same journey. I share because I'm not ashamed that Jim and I are struggling right now. I share because chances are you know more than one couple struggling with infertility. I share because I am strong enough to endure the ridicule, the hurtful comments, the ending of friendships over hurtful words. I share because some days I need a little extra encouragement through the tears.

But, mostly, I share because I have amazing friends and family loving us, and praying for us on a regular basis. Your prayers are felt more than you know.

Check out this video I saw a while back. It really explains a lot about the infertility journey.

http://www.tearsandhope.com/emptyarms_video.html

We are MOVING!

Yes, you read that right. We are moving. At Xerox their employee's change positions every 18mos-3 yrs. This is their business plan so the employee's get a better overall view of how the company runs.

About three months ago, Jim's boss approached him and asked if he would be interested in taking his next position at corporate headquarters in Norwalk, CT. So we talked about it, and we agreed that he should find out more about the position/move. Next thing we know, he's had two phone interviews, and a job offer to move in September.

So, over the weekend we went down to Norwalk (which is right on the long island sound...beautiful area) and checked out the area, met his potential boss, and checked out a few apartments. We found one we liked, and its less than 1/4 mile from Jim's work.

So, Jim and I are moving in September sometime..either the 15th or 30th. We are going to be renting a two bedroom apartment so come visit us!! And we are only a $20/ 45 min train ride from NYC!! =) We will be living there for 2 years, although we will be home a lot to spend time with our families, friends & church family. It was a really hard decision to leave everything we know here but we spent a lot of time praying about it, and really feel this is the right decision for us.

Jim and I will miss our friends and family VERY MUCH while we are gone. But we have skype, and web cams, and we expect to use them often!!

**Photography clients** I will be scheduling photo shoots still for Rochester through the end of October, on a very limited basis. Book your fall photo shoots now!

Infertility in the bible

There are 8 stories of infertility in the bible. I cannot tell you how much comfort that gives me on bad days. For a while I was made to feel like our struggles with infertility should have been kept silent. I was told that by telling anyone at all, I was allowing it to be a part of my life. I was made to feel horrible about how much I want to be a mom. Jim and I felt like it had to be a big secret, that we were struggling. But it doesn't, we are struggling with starting our family, but we won't always struggle, Lord willing. We have been given so much love and support over the last three months, I can't begin to say how much it means. Endless cards, texts, conversations, and hugs mean so much.

Every month when you find out you aren't going to be a mom..again..is heartbreaking. But nothing can equate to the pain of actually losing a child. I would have given ANYTHING to keep my little girl, Jim and I would give anything to be 21 weeks pregnant this week. Instead of in this perpetual state of limbo, of not knowing what the future holds. We know we will be parents, weather we get pregnant, or weather we adopt. But knowing doesn't heal the pain. Knowing the future holds your dreams doesn't make you forget the pain of the past or present.

Bad days are made better by the promises in the bible, out of the 8 stories of infertility in the bible, only one of them did not end happily. There is so much hope in that knowledge. God wants to give us the desires of our heart. And Jim and I desire so much to be parents. It may be one month before we are pregnant, or it may take us 2-3 years to adopt a child, but I'm going to be a mom eventually.

For now I'll steal the cute kids that make my heart smile, and know that someday I'll have one of my own!

The big 3-0

Jimmy,

Happy birthday my love!!

You are the best husband a woman could ask for. I am SO blessed to call you mine. God sure knew what He was doing when we found each other! <3

This past year certainly hasn't been the easiest year, but it has strengthened our bond beyond words. Thank you for being my rock when I am not so strong.

I love watching you grow in your relationship with God, and I love worshiping our Savior with you every Sunday!

I love your sense of humor. You make me laugh all the time, and I love that about you! Laughter is the best medicine after all!

Watching you play with my niece, nephews and Paige melts my heart. You are going to be an incredible father. I can't wait to see you holding our future babies.

Thank you for all you do. I am so blessed to have a husband who provides for our family. You work so hard at work and home to make our home so amazing.

Every time I think I couldn't love you more, I do.

Here's to the next 30 years! I love you!

$2,000

$2,000. That's ALL it costs to plant one church in India. That number baffles my mind. I would be scared to tally up my receipts of all the things I buy that aren't necessary. I would bet my total would build more than one church in India. One of the countries where Christians are persecuted the most.

I have decided I'm going to make some real sacrifices in order to donate more money to CICM, the organization we learned about at CIY two weeks ago.

I am going to give up Lugia's ice cream. Instead, I will be donating the money I would have spent there to CICM. I am going to look for other ways to make sacrifices too.

We have so much here in the U.S. everything is at our disposal. And its so easy to take that for granted. I don't want to take it for granted anymore. I may never make a mission trip to India to see the persecution firsthand...but I can make sacrifices so those who are called to live in India can reach more people for Jesus.

2 of our kids at CIY made commitments to raise $2,000 each so that CICM can plant two churches in India. If you have cans/bottles to donate to their fundraising, please let me know. I will find a way to get the cans/bottles from you and to them! There will also be some more fundraising in the near future. I know there are fundraisers for everything. But what better reason to raise money than to be able to bring one more person to Christ.

EAT THE BOOK

At CIY one of the pastors preached on "eating the book". It was such a powerful message. Maybe because that's the night he grilled steak on stage ;) or maybe because of the power of the Holy Spirit in the room that night.

There are Several places in the bible where each person is told to physically eat scripture. Check out Ezekiel Chapter 2 and 3; Revelation 10:8-10, Jeremiah 15:16.

Though in two of the examples they physically ate the scrolls, the meaning is meant to be symbolic. If we devour God's word, something changes inside of us. His words are sweet on our lips, but if we were to eat it, our stomachs would turn sour.

When Josiah devoured scripture he ripped his cloths because the word of God penetrated him from the inside out. He realized what a sinner he was, and how incredible God is. Josiah spent his reign trying to change Israel, rebuilding the temples, and trying to change the future of Israel by freeing her from the sin of his father and grandfather.

When we devour scripture, our world changes. We can't help but become more like Christ. Eating the book doesn't always feel good, but the Word won't transform your life until you dig into it. Sometimes we don't think we are ready to be kingdom workers or culture changes, but God can place us in a situation to be something bigger for Him.

The session neared an end with the teens standing up and shouting out verses. Sometimes there were 3+ teens screaming out their favorite verses at the same time. Sitting there, listening to the kids, gave me goosebumps. But the session ended on a much more powerful note. One I cannot explain. There was not a dry eye in our youth group by the end of that session. And one by one our kids came up to us, telling us what they were struggling with, so we could pray with them, and give them some bible verses to deal with their pain. We were able to show the kids firsthand what eating the book could do, the strength we can draw from Him.

EAT THE BOOK!!

Love Costs Everything

One morning at CIY we watched a Video titled "Love Costs Everything." CIY is working on a theater release for the movie. Please pray they are able to get the theater release. More people need to see this movie than just high school kids and adult sponsors who have attended MOVE this year. Its such a huge part of who we should be supporting as Christians, and those we forget so easily about during our prayer time.

I've known most of my teen/adult years about persecution of the Christian church in other countries, but before watching the video, I didn't understand the magnitude of what those people go through to bring Honor and Glory to God. Their lives are a living sacrifice to Jesus. Its amazing to see how much these people love Jesus and live for Him no matter what their peers may do to them.

The film was a documentary showing different groups of people in different countries. They shared stories of their families being murdered, being beaten in the streets, having to leave their families as teenagers in order to follow God's call on their lives, being in their church when it is bombed, etc. Each person at the end of the movie said they were not victims, but victors for Jesus. What an incredible image. They were being beaten, losing people they loved, and yet they still stand for Christ. While we complain to God about such trivial things.

If you want- watch this clip. It's really intense, I probably wouldn't watch it with young kids around.

http://2011.ciy.com/move/lovecostseverything

CIY

CIY Move 2011 was INCREDIBLE. I cannot put everything that happened into words, but I will try.

The theme this year was "something bigger." We talked about how God has something bigger planned for each of us. We followed the stories of Samuel, Rahab, Josiah, Shadrach/ Mishach/ Abedengo, and John. Learning how God had something bigger for each of their lives than what they could see in the midst of the storm.

God did a lot of indescribable things in our youth group this week. Youth group time at CIY last year lasted 30-40 min IF THAT this year we talked for upwards of 2.5hrs one night. We heard story after story of how much the kids were hurting. I was constantly amazed that with 21 kids their stories were so different- yet so similar. They were hurting to the depths of their souls, and couldn't rise above that pain on their own. No matter what trials they were facing, they realized God had something bigger in store for their lives.

It is my prayer that each of the kids walked away a changed young man or woman.

I'm praying that you remember:

~ its not what you don't know, its what you do know about God that will make the difference. ~ God has called each of us differently, and wherever God places you, shine for His kingdom.

~ Remember when life sucks, to eat the book.

~ Not to put anything into the world, to put it all into God, and take everything from his word. ~ Remember you gave your scarlet cord to God, that he will take care of whatever that cord meant to you.

Infertility

For some reason this didn't post like it was supposed to- So i'm posting it now- a little late

As you all know from my previous post- We have been dealing with infertility for approximately 18 months. We found out we we pregnant in early April, and we were due Dec 21, 2011, but we lost our angel on May 3rd, 2011.

Infertility is a journey I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. It is physically and emotionally taxing, and so many people don't understand the path you are on. They say things like "It'll happen when its meant to," "My friend dealt with that and she now has 2 teenage boys," or my favorite "If you only relax it'll happen."

We KNOW it'll happen when its meant to but after , I'm REALLY sorry your friend went through infertility. But, if you can teach me how to relax with 3-4 doctors appointments per month, 3+ blood tests, 1-3 ultrasounds, medications you take on certain days, OPT tests every afternoon, BMT charts in the morning, diet changes...etc. Infertility is a medical condition, just relaxing won't help anyone get pregnant who has been trying for over a year. We are facing ovulatory infertility. A problem only on my end. My body doesn't do what it is supposed to.

I've read several christian books on infertility and miscarriage in the last few months. They are all immensely helpful.

This one, however was the book that helped me work through my emotions the best. Jim and I got it from the library.

http://www.christianbook.com/what-lost-christian-journey-through-miscarriage/elise-barrett/9780664235208/pd/235208

What was lost- by Elise Barrett. Elise and her husband had three miscarriages. All three about the same gestation as mine. She knew the pain first hand, and chose to write a book about it that both honored and glorified God through her pain. I am so heartbroken that others know this pain so well, but so thankful that they have written about it, and chosen to reach out to others through their pain.

I learned a lot through that book, and was able to sort through a lot of the things I've been feeling. The thing that definitely affected me most, was when she said that emotionally, the loss you feel is the same weather at 5 weeks or 40 weeks. Jim and I were almost 8 weeks along when we found out our baby had died before she ever lived..at least on earth. Before reading that, I felt so lost. I thought often that I was "only" 8 weeks along, so it shouldn't hurt so much. But it did hurt, Every breath was a reminder that the baby inside me was no longer alive. Every pregnancy craving I had suddenly felt extraordinarily unfair. Why was I still craving food that I craved when my baby was alive? And then when the cravings stopped, they were another reminder of our loss. And of course, there were the physical reminders of our loss. Everything reminds me of my baby. The cloths we bought together, the What to Expect When You're Expecting on my nightstand, The Expectant Father on Jim's, the willow tree figure he bought me, the ultrasound picture in its frame on my dresser. All things that are a constant reminder of our baby, but neither of us can bear to put it away.

Right now the pain is feels so raw I could reach out and touch it. But its a pain I wouldn't give up for anything. I will never forget our baby girl. Our first child. Our first angel.

CIY =)

I cannot wait! We are off to CIY in the morning! Me, Danielle, John, Owen, 13 high school girls, and 11 high school boys in Michigan learning more about God and praising Him with every breath. What could be better? Oh yeah! if Jim was going! I'll miss my love like crazy, but I'm so thankful for the opportunity to spend another week with my girls!

I keep getting asked when I'm going to post our Jamaica pictures- I'm sorry I haven't had time yet, I only had 6 days home before leaving again. In the last week I've had 5 photo shoots- and my clients are far more important than my personal pictures! I'll be home for a week or so between CIY and my next big adventure, so hopefully I'll have time then!

The trip was everything we needed and more =) I love the moments that I fall in love with my husband all over again. And weeks full of those moments are so welcome! Sandals is an amazing place to vacation if you ever want to do something crazy like we did! We spent a lot of time in the sun, talking, healing, and reconnecting. We both still miss Robin more than anyone could know, but we are so thankful to have known her, even for such a short time. I have the greatest husband, and the best friends. Thank you all for your continued prayers. And I love all the cards you guys have sent. They mean SO much to know you are still praying for us =)

I'll leave you with a couple pictures- First- a before and after- they are not edited, our whiteness may cause blindness :P - the settings on my camera were all exactly the same(the lighting outside was different though)

A gorgeous flower. The flowers in Jamaica were absolutely incredible. I think I took more floral pictures than I did anything else. Jim and I keep joking we are going to do a mission trip to Jamaica so we can go back. Jamaican's need God too, right? :)

I can't wait for my next adventure to meet a precious little baby girl that I get to call my niece, Ruby!! <3

Robin Elizabeth Siena

I will never forget the morning Jim and I found out we were expecting our first baby, after 15 months of trying, and 6 rounds of fertility treatments. I could not have been happier to see "pregnant" on the pregnancy test. I don't think the smile left my face or Jim's the entire day.

We were so excited we immediately told our immediate family, and a few friends. But we were going to wait until after our first trimester to tell the rest of our friends and family.

At our first ultrasound we were told I was 5 weeks and 5 days pregnant, and due December 21, 2011. We were going to have a Christmas baby! Our baby was going to be born in time enough for her Uncle Adam and Aunt Sara to hold her before they moved to Florida. But our doctor was concerned that he couldn't see a heartbeat yet, but thought it might be too early, so we scheduled our next ultrasound for 1 week later. Through that week Jim and I talked a lot about our hopes and dreams for our angel, what we thought she would look like, what we thought her personality would be. Little did we know she was already gone. Already resting in the arms of Jesus.

At 6 weeks 6 days we were told our baby never had a heartbeat. We had been expecting the news, but were hoping God would give us a miracle. It was so heartbreaking, Jim and I have never cried harder in our lives. Nor have either of us ever clung to the truth of the bible more. God has never felt more real to me than he did on May 3, 2011.

Later in the day when Jim and I were tired of crying, tired of talking about what to do next so we went to the garden store and bought a magnolia tree. By far my favorite tree, because even though it only buds a few weeks a year, the flowers are beautiful. And the tree would bud around the time our precious Robin lived and died.

Jim and I named her Robin, after a character on How I met your mother. When we got our second ultrasound Jim made a comment that she was "sparkling" so we named her Robin- after Robin Sparkles. Kinda silly, but it made us feel better to give her a name. She may have never lived on this earth, never had a heart beat, but it doesn't make her any less real to either of us. We will always love and cherish our baby girl. And we cannot wait to hold her in Heaven.

Elizabeth is after a friend of mine, and Jim and I had been planning for almost 2 yrs to use it as our first daughter's middle name. A friend who taught me so much. A friend who showed me how real God is, and how much He loves me. A friendship I will forever cherish and miss, and always think of when I think of our angel.

Jim and I will never forget our baby girl. While our hearts are still broken, we are so thankful for those who have rallied around us. We have received so many hugs, emails, texts, facebook messages, dinners, and cards from people we love dearly. Thank you all, for all you have done. I can't begin to tell you how much it means to know that we have so many people who love us and are praying for us through this extraordinarily difficult time in our life.

Jim and I are getting away for a week. Heading on a much needed vacation, to spend time together, to regroup and grieve before we start this process over again.

**disclaimer ** A friend is staying at our house the week we are gone- so don't try anything stupid.

Compass Care

I know there are so many walks etc to support wonderful causes this time of the year. Please consider supporting jim and I as we walk for life tomorrow morning.

This is a cause near and dear to our hearts, especially after loosing our baby. Compasscare is a pregnancy service, similar to planned parenthood, but so different in how they handle it. They encourage women to have their babies, and either keep them, or give them up for adoption, they give them clarity in their choices and strength to make the decisions. 85% of women who walk through their doors don't have an abortion. 85% of women chose life for their baby. I wish we had been given the option to choose life. So, please, support Jim and I tomorrow as we walk for an organization that gives babies a chance at life, a chance our little angel didn't have.

No donation is too small. $5 would be awesome.

http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/melissasiena/compasscare2011visionwalkandfamilyfestival?fge=ask

Serving

I have been thinking a lot about serving lately. I definitely think that I serve a lot inside our church family, but I don't serve a lot outside of the church. Its something I need to do more of.

After all the bible calls us to serve each other

Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.” ~ Luke 6:38

The bible calls on us to support others in their times of need

Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. ~ Philippians 2:4

The bible calls us to love each other and Him

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. ~ John 13:34-35

The bible calls us to forgive each other

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times ~Matthew 18:21-22

The bible doesn't tell us that these things only need to happen within your church family. We need to be serving others in our community. Our friends, our families, our neighbors. We need to be better servants of God.

Lord, Help me to serve others, and let your light shine in my life above all else.