My weekend

I'll post about the worst part of the weekend now, since I asked so many people to pray for me when it had just happened.

I knew that this weekend would be incredible, and would be difficult for me at the same time. My baby brother got married, and my mother and her (literal) girlfriend was going to be there. I have no relationship with my mother, I haven't seen her to spend time with her in well over two years, though I have run into her several times, and been cordial to her, Its always made me feel pretty lousy about myself afterward. I had already warned Jim, Tim and Liza that I wasn't going to take anything easily, and that it was going to be really really hard for me to deal with it. They all promised that they weren't going anywhere, and they'd be by my side the whole time. And one of them always was, except for the one second.

Adam chose to dance with my grandma for the mother/son dance. My grandma practically raised all of us. We would not be the people we are today if it wasn't for her love, and her guidance. And we hold grandma to the highest level of respect possible. This set my mothers girlfriend off, she went up to Nick (Adam's best friend, who was also one of the "DJ's" for the evening) and yelled at him, asking why Adam was not dancing with mom, and how completely unfair it was of him to do that, and how dare he hurt his mother like that. Nick handled it really well and told Lisa it wasn't his decision, and he was just following what Adam told him to.

After the dance was over, Lisa confronted Adam and Sara, I yelled to dad that he needed to handle it, and Dad went and spoke with Lisa. I don't know exactly what was said, but I do know that he told Lisa she was no longer welcome, and she needed to leave. A few minutes passed, and we thought it had all calmed down a little bit. So Sara wanted to go to the bathroom, but lisa was standing in the doorway, so I wasn't going to allow her to go alone. And I went with her, thinking lisa did NOT have the guts to say anything with me standing there. Well, I was wrong. She followed us into the bathroom and began screaming at me, it went something like this (this is not verbatim. I suck at remembering things word for word)

Lisa: I want to know why you didn't invite your mother to your wedding
Me: We're not discussing this right now, Its Adams and Sara's wedding
Lisa: I don't understand, I want to understand.
Me: Its not really any of your business, and I don't care if you don't understand. You are NOT doing this today, its Adam and Sara's wedding, you are NOT doing this now.
Lisa: I want to understand what your mother did to you
Me: Lisa! this is Adam's and Sara's wedding, Stop it!
Lisa: Someday I hope you have a daughter who doesn't invite you to her wedding. See how you feel!
Me: You need to leave, your NOT doing this today.
((Liza- my amazing sister in law walked in at this point))
Lisa kept proding for an answer, I kept telling her she was not going to this and she needed to leave RIGHT NOW.

The second lisa walked out of the bathroom Sara and I lost it. We all hugged, and cried for a few minutes, and I asked liza to go grab our husbands, so we could talk to them. Sara didn't want Adam coming out, in case lisa was still there, she didn't want him getting attacked too. So we composed ourself as much as we could and walked back in. Let me tell you, family members are NOT happy when the bride is crying. Adam screamed at my mother for a few minutes, and told her she needed to leave. My mother, of course, said exactly what Adam wanted to hear at that moment, that she would "deal" with lisa, and left. Adam and Sara stepped outside for a few moments, and I went back to my table with Jim. I was shaking, and trying to hold back my tears. I sent out a text to a few friends asking for prayer for me, and for my family as we delt with that moment. And I spent the remainder of the evening shaking and trying to push it out of my mind, and it worked, for a little while! We danced for the rest of the night, and even got Adam and Sara out on the dance floor a lot more than planned, and enjoyed the rest of their amazing day.

After getting home, and attempting to get my niece and nephew settled into bed, I read responses from my friends to the text I sent, I completely lost it. Jim and I talked for a while, he made me feel a little bit better, but really, when you've been ripped apart like that, its so hard not to be angry, and to feel better right away. It has had me questioning myself all day, if i'll make a good mom, or if i'll repeat my mothers mistakes. And thats a scary thought. Rationally, I know I will not do to my children what my mother did to me, but history repeats itself right?

All in all, it was a wonderful evening. It was hard, but I knew it was going to be hard, and I knew Lisa was going to end up in my face. I will be ok, But honestly, I'm not right now. But I have God on my side, and an incredible family. The things my mother has done are awful, but the things my dad and grandma have done have more than made up for everything she's done.

Dad, Grandma, Rick, Tim, Liza, Adam, Sara~ you guys are all incredible, we didn't do anything wrong, it was them. And its not easy to believe, but we have to believe it. I wish things could have been different, but there was nothing any of us could do. Just know, that no matter what, we have each other. I love you all, very much.

"You can forgive someone almost anything. But you cannot tolerate everything...We don't have to tolerate what people do just because we forgive them for doing it. Forgiving heals us personally. To tolerate everything only hurts us all in the long run."