Healing

I spent a long time online this morning looking for a new blogger template to fit what has been on my heart and mind recently. I think the healing one fits, though not 100%. I do need to spend more time healing. Healing my relationship with God, and getting it to where He deserves it to be. I need to push myself, and challenge myself in my relationship with God. I don't want to just go through the motions. I want to strive more to become closer to God. Like Lauren said in bible study a couple weeks ago, after we become Christians, we learn about God in the new testament, and as we want to further our relationship with Him, and learn more about Him, we learn about His past, and why He sent Jesus to earth. We learn about why He made all the laws He did. Its not a relationship I can sit back and let someone else do the work.

I need to make more effort to know Him, the way He knows me. He's blessed me so much, and I want so much to know why.

I need more healing in my life, and in my past. More forgiveness and more understanding for the future. God has the power to help me. So why not take Him up on his offer? Whatever life throws at me, its not nearly as hard as the death Jesus waged on the Cross for me. No matter what the devil puts in front of me, I can take it on, and I can overcome him, because I have my God on my side, lifting me up, holding me, and strengthening me, even when I don't feel strengthened.

I want so much to become a bigger part of our church, to throw myself into the mix more, and get to know more people. I want so much to have spiritual mentors that I can talk to about what I'm struggling with, and have them pray with me. I want so much to have someone to pray for, to lift up in times of need, and to strengthen. And I want so much for Jim to have that too, but he has to do it in his own time, I don't want to force him to do something he's not ready for. We all know Jim likes to take his time making decisions ;)

Readers

I started my blog so that I could keep in touch with my friends, my family in CT, and maybe meet a few other people who blog. All too often I find myself checking my statistics, seeing how many subscribers I have, VS how many followers. Amanda and I actually had a conversation yesterday morning about the fact that we have more subscribers than we do people who comment on our blogs. But seriously. Why do I care?

God designed me, he knew his plan from me from the moment he created the earth. I was designed as a being to worship and follow him. Not to care about how many comments I get everyday. About how many readers I have. Honestly. Who cares? By wondering these things, by caring so much, I'm not doing what God intended for me. I'm not honoring and glorifying him.

I love my readers, I do, don't get me wrong. I love reading other blogs, and the support I get from my friends on my blog. I love getting comments, and i love sending comments. I just need to be more focused on what God has in store for me, than what people in blog land are up to. Had I never started my blog, I never would have followed Joshua's story, CF Husband, Tristen Asher, or Jacob Ryan.

I'm going to work at not caring so much. Loving God is so much more gratifying.

Challenges

I keep hearing, and seeing verses about patience. I have always paraphrased a famous quote about patience. "Patience is a virtue I do not have, and do not want." Except, now that is something God is challenging me on. Being patient with something that is so incredibly important to me, one that If I don't listen to him on, could be the worst mistake of my life, and trusting him in that is hard. He's been incredibly faithful thus far in my life. I know he will continue to be faithful, I just need to learn some patience. His timing is incredible. I know that. But its the waiting part that is the hardest. I am learning to be patient, and teaching myself to be more humble.

Please be patient. God isn't finished with me yet.

Last night while I was reading my bible, I found this passage, totally not what I was looking for, but one that has been on my mind all day.

Romans 12:9-21

9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. 14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"says the Lord. 20 On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

I have never been one to read my bible. I always had a hard time understanding it, and putting it into practice in my life. Since coming back to God after my brief(but far too long) break from him, I have realized how much is in the bible that I can put into practice in my own life. I've come to know so many stories, and understood God in a way I never knew I could.

Its amazing how he reveals himself to you. Now to learn the hardest lesson I've ever been taught, patience.