Just Those few weeks

Just Those Few Weeks
For just those few weeks I had you to myself. And that seems too short a time to be changed so profoundly. In those few weeks, I came to know you...and to love you.You came to trust me with your life. Oh what a life I had planned for you! Just those few weeks...when I lost you, I lost a lifetime of hopes, plans, dreams and aspirations. A slice of my future simply vanished overnight. Just those few weeks...It wasn't enough time to convince others how special and important you were. How odd that a truly unique person has recently died and no one is mourning their passing. Just a mere few weeks...And no "normal" person would cry all night Over a tiny unfinished baby, or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day. No one would, so why am I?? You were just those few weeks, my little one. You darted in and out of my life too quickly. But it seems that's all the time you needed to make my life richer and to give me a small glimpse of eternity. ~S. Erling

Robin Elizabeth Siena

I will never forget the morning Jim and I found out we were expecting our first baby, after 15 months of trying, and 6 rounds of fertility treatments. I could not have been happier to see "pregnant" on the pregnancy test. I don't think the smile left my face or Jim's the entire day.

We were so excited we immediately told our immediate family, and a few friends. But we were going to wait until after our first trimester to tell the rest of our friends and family.

At our first ultrasound we were told I was 5 weeks and 5 days pregnant, and due December 21, 2011. We were going to have a Christmas baby! Our baby was going to be born in time enough for her Uncle Adam and Aunt Sara to hold her before they moved to Florida. But our doctor was concerned that he couldn't see a heartbeat yet, but thought it might be too early, so we scheduled our next ultrasound for 1 week later. Through that week Jim and I talked a lot about our hopes and dreams for our angel, what we thought she would look like, what we thought her personality would be. Little did we know she was already gone. Already resting in the arms of Jesus.

At 6 weeks 6 days we were told our baby never had a heartbeat. We had been expecting the news, but were hoping God would give us a miracle. It was so heartbreaking, Jim and I have never cried harder in our lives. Nor have either of us ever clung to the truth of the bible more. God has never felt more real to me than he did on May 3, 2011.

Later in the day when Jim and I were tired of crying, tired of talking about what to do next so we went to the garden store and bought a magnolia tree. By far my favorite tree, because even though it only buds a few weeks a year, the flowers are beautiful. And the tree would bud around the time our precious Robin lived and died.

Jim and I named her Robin, after a character on How I met your mother. When we got our second ultrasound Jim made a comment that she was "sparkling" so we named her Robin- after Robin Sparkles. Kinda silly, but it made us feel better to give her a name. She may have never lived on this earth, never had a heart beat, but it doesn't make her any less real to either of us. We will always love and cherish our baby girl. And we cannot wait to hold her in Heaven.

Elizabeth is after a friend of mine, and Jim and I had been planning for almost 2 yrs to use it as our first daughter's middle name. A friend who taught me so much. A friend who showed me how real God is, and how much He loves me. A friendship I will forever cherish and miss, and always think of when I think of our angel.

Jim and I will never forget our baby girl. While our hearts are still broken, we are so thankful for those who have rallied around us. We have received so many hugs, emails, texts, facebook messages, dinners, and cards from people we love dearly. Thank you all, for all you have done. I can't begin to tell you how much it means to know that we have so many people who love us and are praying for us through this extraordinarily difficult time in our life.

Jim and I are getting away for a week. Heading on a much needed vacation, to spend time together, to regroup and grieve before we start this process over again.

**disclaimer ** A friend is staying at our house the week we are gone- so don't try anything stupid.